Authored by Edmonton Doula Diana Sikanja (Certified Labour Doula, Certified Postpartum Doula)
It's 2:57 am and my phone is vibrating my entire pillow. A few months ago, I discovered that if I stick it under my pillow, it will wake me up quickly and, unlike having it on a loud alarm sound which needs to be loud so I can hear it through my ear plugs, will not disturb my partner.
I jump out of bed, answer my phone with a very quiet whisper, and sneak out of my room, shutting the door behind me as quietly as possible. My partner needs to be up at 5 am for work.
On the other end of the phone is my clients' partner, confirming contractions are closer together now, and they would like me to join them at their home as soon as I can to provide some extra comfort as they navigate labour.
I make myself a coffee, consider eating some "breakfast" but decide against it and make some oatmeal and a lunch for later, instead. I let my dogs out to pee, brush my teeth and make sure I have a hair elastic on hand, kiss the dogs goodbye, and am out the door in roughly 30 minutes. I make it to my client approximately an hour after they first called me.
Why am I able to make it out the door so quickly? Because I have no children of my own.
There is no one in the house who relies on me for survival who cannot be left alone. I don't need to call a friend, relative, nanny, or babysitter to be at my house before my partner leaves for work. I don't need to arrange school drop off or pick up. My partner will know I have gone to a birth and will feed the dogs before taking off for work. My dogs will be okay to wait for a potty break for at least 8 hours, and, if I think someone should check in on them or if I am at the birth for longer than anticipated, a quick text to a friend will have them over in 15-30 minutes to let them out and provide a few scratches, also.
Not having any kids of my own allows me to drop what I am doing and join my clients at the shortest of notice. Aside from that, there is virtually no difference between me and a doula who has children.
At the beginning of my doula career, I used to feel uncertain about my childless status. However, I've come to understand that attending 15 births doesn't make you an expert in births. Working as a postpartum doula with 20 clients doesn't make you an expert on infants. I've spoken to doulas who have been doing their jobs for double digit years and still learn new things with every new client. So, if all that experience doesn't make someone an expert, having even a few of your own children certainly wouldn't either.
And, after all, doulas are not meant to be experts on those types of things! We are meant to provide support, help you learn how to and be comfortable advocating for yourself, help you build confidence in your abilities as a future parent, and provide you with unbiased evidence-based resources for your questions and concerns so that you are empowered to make the best decisions for your own family.
So, if you are considering a birth OR postpartum doula and you are looking for a good fit for yourself, instead of asking if they have their own kids, ask them how they feel their support makes the most difference to their clients. Ask them their thoughts on controversial topics! Their answers will give you a lot more insight on if they are a good fit for you.
And, if you are asking yourself, "How do I know which doula will be a good fit for me?" A simple answer is: The best doula for you is someone who makes you feel like you can go to them with any issue, and not only will they listen, help, and provide resources, but they will never judge or shame you for the decisions you make for yourself and your family.
Author Diana Sikanja became a doula because she saw a noticed a gap between the way society talks about the transition to parenthood and what people around her were actually experiencing. She is passionate about helping families prepare for birth, but believes it is equally, if not more, important to prepare for the postpartum period. Diana’s other passions include her 90+ houseplants, her dogs, and watching Pixar movies with her fiancé. She also enjoys jigsaw puzzles, cross stitch, bird watching, and being outside every chance she gets.
